Breaking Common Laws Series
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Kenpachi and Byakuya have a kid. (MPREG)
1. So You're Expecting

**Title:** So You're Expecting  
** Universe:** Bleach  
**Theme/Topic: **N/A  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Character/Pairing/s:** KenpachixByakuya  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** UH MPREG.  
**Word Count:** 2,555  
**Summary:** Kenpachi has no idea what to expect.  
**Dedication:** juin- because it's only fair. (Except not fair, because you're better at this than me.) God how did you write mpreg and make me like it. HOW DO YOU HAVE THIS POWER.  
**A/N:** I don't even know. How do I explain this except that juin wrote me awesome KenBya mpreg and I had to try and respond. My response stole her plot and is not as awesome as her story though. You should all go read hers at archiveofourown works / 497372 (except without spaces).  
**Disclaimer:** No harm or infringement intended.

* * *

Kenpachi is lying on the back porch of the eleventh division headquarters trying to nap when Abarai bursts through the doors in a flustered rush, flanked by a confused Ikkaku and a suspicious Yumichika. In the background, Yachiru puts a new group of academy graduates lucky enough to join the eleventh through their very first set of drills. The current one being called out in the yard is one Yachiru likes to call '_Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free_' and is accompanied by enough screams of terror and cries for mommy that Kenpachi figures the weak ones will go crying to the thirteenth division for transfer in about two hours. Which will save him the trouble of having to throw them over the fence for Ukitake to find tomorrow.

In the meantime, Abarai squirms in front of him uncertainly and is very clearly anxious about something. Kenpachi usually doesn't care because it's Abarai, but he eventually finds himself frowning anyway, when he suddenly remembers the last time the red-headed bastard showed up at his doorstep looking all put out like this.

"It's not our goddamned anniversary and I sure as hell didn't forget his birthday this year," Zaraki says in a low pitched growl, "so whatever's got the princess in a bad mood today ain't my fault. He was fine this morning."

Renji makes a face. "I er, no, I'm not here to ask you to fix the captain," he says, and wrings his hands some more. "I just…" he reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a note sent to him by messenger earlier in the afternoon. The look on his face as he does it is absolutely mournful. "I woulda brought it over earlier, but I wasn't sure if captain would like that, but then I thought what if, and…"

Yumichika must read the growing impatience in Zaraki's aura when he primly snatches the note from Abarai's hand and reads it. His eyebrows dart up, the ridiculous frilly ones reaching above his ridiculous frilly hairline. That, Zaraki admits, is kind of worrisome. "The hell is going on?" he demands, and sits up a little.

Yumichika moves to hand him the note, but before he can read it, Renji finally blurts, "I think my captain is _dying_!"

* * *

Zaraki arrives back at Kuchiki manor fifteen minutes later, where the head housekeeper is already waiting for him by the door with a worried frown on her ancient, wrinkled face. "The young master asked that…"

"Yeah, yeah," Zaraki mutters, and breezes past her in two strides as he heads towards the bedroom. He can feel the rest of the staff lingering in the hallways around him anxiously, and while Zaraki likes to think they get along a lot better with him now than they did when he'd first moved in here (they finally stopped calling him '_master' _or '_sir'_) it doesn't mean he won't kill them in their faces if they keep looking at him like he's marching his ass towards a goddamn funeral pyre.

He finds Byakuya asleep in their room. And alive. There's a mess of shredded paper on the floor next to the princess's side of the bed which is uncharacteristic, but not necessarily proof that the guy is dying. It's not necessarily proof that he's _not _either, though. Kenpachi perches on his side of the bed and leans over Kuchiki, looking for any obvious signs of injury or sickness. He doesn't see any, but just to be sure, he pokes at the guy a little bit to see. But that only gets him a few sleepy snuffles in response, which is, again, a little uncharacteristic, but proof of absolutely nothing. Eventually, he sighs and tugs on Byakuya's hair instead.

The action is rewarded with Kuchiki's eyes opening blearily, accompanied by a little sound of indignation as he finally regains consciousness.

"Are you dying?" Kenpachi asks without preamble, because it's best to get that kind of stuff out of the way early in a conversation.

Byakuya's eyes narrow marginally. "No," he answers, and while Kenpachi doesn't exactly breathe a sigh of relief when he hears that, he thinks that maybe some of the terrifying tension in his muscles that kept the servants far the fuck away from him on his way here drains out of his shoulders.

Then Byakuya takes that small moment of respite and uses it to sucker punch Zaraki in the face.

* * *

The next day, Kenpachi sort of stumbles into his office and plops down into a chair. He stares at the stupid gay flowers Yumichika puts on his desk every morning like he can kill them with his mind.

When they begin to wilt under the concentrated power of his reiatsu he remembers that he can, actually. It gives him a sudden burst of perverse glee, and it is while he is grinning at a bunch of wilting sunflowers that his third and fifth seats enter the room, see him, _feel him,_ and then promptly freeze.

"Er," Ikkaku chokes, under the heavy weight of the reiatsu in the room, "Everything okay there, captain?" he asks. Zaraki can see the nervous sweat beading on his forehead.

Yumichika isn't sweating, but probably only because it isn't beautiful or some shit like that. Instead, the fifth seat coughs delicately before grabbing Ikkaku and saying, plainly, "I don't think our dear captain got any this morning." Then he twitters a little and turns and pushes Madarame from the room. The door shuts behind them with a resounding clang, and all Kenpachi can think is that Yumichika is fucking _right_. Not only that, but apparently he's also not getting any for a long ass time.

His eyes widen in horror when he realizes he doesn't know exactly _how _long this long ass time is going to be.

* * *

Unohana's face is kindly impassive as Kenpachi stands in the middle of the fourth division waiting room frowning down at a handful of her stupidly cheerful little pamphlets. '_So You're Expecting_!' one announces in big cartoony script, while the other boasts, '_Preparing for Your New Baby!'_ The last reads _'Fatherhood and You!'_ and involves an image of a middle aged man on a see-saw with a girl in a flowery dress and pigtails. All the goddamned exclamation points make Kenpachi inexplicably angry.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he demands after a moment, while Unohana calmly ushers him towards the door because apparently she's got real work to do. Wounds to suture with kido, limbs to sew back on, internal organs to make internal again, or something like that. "I know that already!"

"Nine months," she repeats for his benefit, expression and tone not changing even though she somehow manages to turn her menace up to twelve anyway. "That is the duration of a normal pregnancy, which is the only actual information I can give you regarding a timeframe in your current situation. I can't diagnose with any certainty how long it will be until Captain Kuchiki will want to have intercourse with you again, if at all."

Before he can say another word, Kenpachi suddenly finds himself at the front gate of the fourth division, watching it shut in his face. He stares down at the pamphlets and imagines never having sex again.

He wonders if this is what hell feels like.

* * *

Zaraki has never been a praying man, but he does take a moment to thank God the morning Kuchiki decides they should fuck again.

In fact, he discovers that being pregnant makes Byakuya incredibly horny, which means that Byakuya is now at least as horny as he is on a normal basis. They spend the entire day in bed catching up on the past few weeks where Byakuya didn't want anything to do with Zaraki's dick.

After round three or four, Kenpachi makes a passing comment about liking where this is taking them, murmuring something thoughtless and unintentionally filthy into Byakuya's ear about how he's thinking of keeping him pregnant all the time if it leads to moments like these, if it means he gets a lapful of round, horny princess begging for it around the clock. Something about the words must work for Byakuya too, because the minute he's done speaking, Zaraki suddenly feels the hard press of Kuchiki's body up against his again, Kuchiki's breath coming in hot puffs against his collarbone as he demands less talking and more action.

Zaraki Kenpachi has never been anything if not a man of action.

* * *

The ultrasound is just a squiggly black and white picture of something that looks like a jellyfish with fingers. He's not sure what the big deal about it all is, but Byakuya demanded he be here today, and so here he is. Vaguely, he realizes that what he's looking at is his goddamned kid.

Zaraki just kind of stares at the image for a while as Unohana's voice begins fading into the background, basically becoming inaudible to him right after she'd uttered the words, "Congratulations, it's a boy."

Then, when he can't stand it anymore, Zaraki turns and wordlessly exits the room, leaving Kuchiki and Unohana to talk about nutrition and exercise and a bunch of other stuff that Zaraki can't focus on because he's too busy being slammed with the realization that he doesn't have any idea what to call his goddamned kid.

Byakuya finds him ten minutes later in the waiting room outside of the examination room, slouched over a chair and staring blankly at a wall.

Byakuya looks the same as always, except that he's holding a bottle of something that Zaraki dimly hears him call prenatal vitamins. There's a kind of stiffness in his demeanor that means he's also mad at Kenpachi and that he's not going to say anything about it until Kenpachi goes crazy from being frozen out and they have a confrontation. Usually this leads to lots of property damage at Kuchiki manor and then hours and hours of hot makeup sex. Zaraki's animal instincts tell him that might not be the case this time.

After a moment, Byakuya wordlessly turns to leave and Zaraki automatically gets up to follow him. He only notices the tiny black and white photograph of their jellyfish in Byakuya's other hand when they're already halfway home.

* * *

It's a boy. They're having a boy.

Kenpachi doesn't have any important names left to give this kid, and that's a huge problem. The only two names that matter to him already belong to people who matter, plus he's pretty sure it will be confusing as hell to add another Yachiru or another Byakuya into the mix.

They get back to Kuchiki manor after the ultrasound and Byakuya states that he's going for a walk. He leaves the photograph and the vitamins on the nightstand beside the bed and strolls out without a word.

Kenpachi stares at the photograph for a little bit before heading back to the office.

* * *

He makes a list instead of doing the paperwork because Yumichika is there for the goddamn paperwork. He's determined to find a good name, because of what they mean and how important they are to him, except that it's fucking hard since all the good ones are taken already.

It isn't until Yachiru comes pounding into the room looking put out that Zaraki realizes it's late as hell and that he missed dinner at home. "Ken-chan," she chastises, "we had udon tonight and Byakushi ate his with wasabi and chocolate and it was _weird_. You missed it!" Then she cranes her neck to look down at what he's working on. She gasps. "Are you _workin'_?" she demands, like he's committed some sort of cardinal sin.

He groans and rolls up his failed list before hoisting her onto his shoulder in a practiced motion. "No, I ain't working," he promises her. "Think the princess really ate all the chocolate?"

Yachiru pouts. "Yup, he ate _all_ of it. I saw!"

Kenpachi groans again, because that probably means Kuchiki is still mad.

* * *

When Kenpachi gets back that night, Byakuya is still awake, sitting in bed working on more reports. He doesn't say anything either way when Kenpachi walks in, but the air is absolutely frigid all the same. After a minute, because this fucking tactic is fucking cowardly and also super effective, Kenpachi sighs, sits down and mutters, "I don't got a good name for this kid and I don't know what the fuck to do. Our kid deserves a good name, right?"

Byakuya blinks like he hadn't expected those words at all out of all the possible words he'd clearly been expecting to come out of Zaraki's mouth regarding the ultrasound and the picture of their kid that looks like a jellyfish. Kenpachi has no idea what Byakuya _had _been expecting, to be perfectly honest.

After what feels like a long time of Zaraki just sitting there like a moron, Byakuya's lips turn up slightly at the corners and he arches an eyebrow at Kenpachi in this completely unimpressed sort of way. "We're naming him after my father," he says simply, like that's that, and flips to the next page of his expenditure report. The air in the room suddenly feels a lot warmer.

Admittedly, Kenpachi doesn't know Byakuya's dad's name (the goddamn Kuchiki clan has too many goddamn people in it), but he knows that it's an important one because Byakuya really liked his dad. Zaraki might not have that many important people and even fewer important names to give left, but it's a relief to know Byakuya can compensate for it. Their kid will probably make out all right that way.

Eventually, Zaraki grins and pulls Byakuya's papers from his fingers. "Your dad, huh?" he agrees. "That sounds like it'll be a good one."

Byakuya relaxes against the pillows, and peace thus restored, Kenpachi reaches around him to snuff out the candle on his nightstand.

"You don't even know what my father's name is is, do you?" Byakuya asks after a moment in the dark, with his head tucked under Zaraki's chin and Zaraki's arm curled loosely over his waist.

"Nope," Kenpachi answers, and pulls the covers up over them both.

* * *

When Soujun pops out of Kuchiki one unexpected day in early spring, Zaraki is proud to say the kid doesn't come into the world crying and screaming like, well, a baby. Instead he's out and curious and sucking on his fist before even a single unmanly tear is shed. After that, everyone talks about how cute and how calm he is, about how much he resembles Byakuya in both looks and demeanor. But even though the little guy favors the princess by miles, the fact that the kid doesn't even blink the first time he reaches up and pulls off the mysterious patch over his dad's eye is proof enough that he's unquestionably half Zaraki's as well.

The rest of the house shakes on its foundations at the sudden onslaught of deadly energy while Soujun simply squeals in delight and clutches the reiatsu sucking monster in his tiny fist like a toy. His dad laughs right alongside him, at least until Kuchiki storms into the nursery and tells them to stop paralyzing the servants.

Kenpachi puts the patch back on and is pretty sure their kid is going to grow up to be a badass.

**END**


	2. Support the Head

**Title:** Support the Head  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Theme/Topic: **Baby antics  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Character/Pairing/s:** Kenpachi/Byakuya  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** MENTIONED MPREG? Spoilers through chapter 516.  
**Word Count:** 2,275  
**Summary:** Companion Piece to "So You're Expecting"- Byakuya isn't really good with children. It is kind of mortifying that Kenpachi is the parent in this relationship who _is_.  
**Dedication:** juin- HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I am probably late because you live in the future, but I am on time in the present. Early, even. XD  
**A/N:** DON'T JUDGE ME. I already judged myself, okay.  
**Disclaimer:** No harm or infringement intended.

* * *

Byakuya has never been good with children.

When he'd been with Hisana, the very mention of a baby had her paling and shuddering into herself, her guilt over Rukia waylaying her frail body just as successfully as any one of the myriad illnesses that constantly seemed to plague her. It always left Byakuya feeling frustrated and helpless for not being able to ease the pain of either his wife's physical or emotional scars.

In that period of Byakuya's life, everyone in the Kuchiki household had been expressly forbidden from speaking about children. Many of them, if not all of them, subsequently gave up hope of the young master and the mistress ever filling their home up with the happy sounds of children and family again. Hisana had died eventually, whether from her regrets or her weak constitution, no one could tell for certain.

After, Rukia came into the house and made it less lonely, but she'd been far from the infant Hisana had suffered through nightmares of every single night, already a young woman mostly grown, rough around the edges but hearty from enduring the unending fight for survival that came with living in the Rukongai slums. She certainly never needed her older brother to baby her, and Byakuya had never tried to, at least not directly.

Then one day, some years past, Byakuya had inexplicably found himself in Zaraki's bed after succumbing to the constant challenges the eleventh division captain made against his fighting prowess, following his utter defeat at the hands of a single, pathetic Stern Ritter. It had been a well known fact at the time that Zaraki himself had slain at least three Stern Ritter during the first invasion, and that Zaraki, more so than any of the other captains – besides, perhaps, the late Captain Commander – was henceforth considered the strongest shinigami within the thirteen divisions. The defeat had burrowed under Byakuya's skin in those months, his failures as a soldier, as leader, and as a brother all burned irreparably into his brain. Zaraki had known it and had picked incessantly at Byakuya's guilt and insecurities over it, refusing to let the scab of those memories heal over as he issued challenge after challenge after challenge for a fight with the captain of the sixth division. It had been, now that Byakuya can stop to think about it rationally, a rather masterful combination of timing and maneuvering on Zaraki's part, in order to force him into finally finishing the fight they'd started during the zanpakutou rebellion.

Like a violin string tuned too tightly, Byakuya had finally snapped one morning, after just the right sneer and just the right taunt from Zaraki. While the ensuing battle had been devastating to seireitei at large in terms of sheer property damage, Byakuya maintains that the end result had been much more devastating for him personally. One minute swords had clashed, Senbonzakura's thousand blade attack wrapping around Zaraki's nameless, coarsely maintained zanpakutou like a noose, and the next, Byakuya had been doing the same thing with his body, snarling and enraged as he'd wrapped himself around Zaraki head on. To this day he still blames the fury and blood loss for his wild delirium in those moments.

Because Byakuya knows he kissed Zaraki first.

Neither of them can remember who'd won the fight, in the end.

Needless to say, after what that battle had inexplicably morphed into, with Zaraki quite literally storming the halls of Kuchiki manor with Yachiru on his shoulder and declaring their shared intent on never leaving, Byakuya subsequently put all thoughts of babies and heirs and parenthood from his head permanently. Because despite being constantly underfoot, Yachiru hardly counted at this point anymore, in the same way Rukia hadn't, already shaped immovably by the harsh environs of Rukongai and Zaraki both, a strong, independent force unto herself. Even if Byakuya had adopted Yachiru as his own, she would never truly _need_ him_._ As it stood, Zaraki and he both probably needed her far more than she needed either of them.

From there, and from their vocal disapproval of Zaraki, the family's elders had likewise given up on any hopes that Byakuya might continue the Kuchiki line in a respectable, traditional sense. At Byakuya's insistence, they have since named Rukia's child, should she have one, as the proper heir.

Except that Byakuya, quite suddenly, finds himself with a child anyway, very much to _everyone's_ surprise.

To be fair, no one could have predicted Soujun.

The baby takes after Zaraki in that aspect, Byakuya supposes. Their very existences are both complete impossibilities, and yet, somehow, here they remain.

And while Byakuya understands Zaraki at this point, in as much as Zaraki Kenpachi can _be_ understood, he still feels a little lost around this baby, around the entire idea of this baby that is _his_.

The pregnancy itself had been more to Byakuya's style. As strange and sometimes upsetting as it had been, it had been routine. Captain Unohana had told him what needed to be done and he had done it. The physical aspects of obeying orders are nothing new to him, even if the experience itself had been somewhat harrowing in its own ways.

It is the after that he seems to be having some problems with. There are just too many possibilities, and all of them are _terrifying_.

He blinks down curiously at Soujun, tiny and fragile and young, lying in the ridiculous bassinette Renji and Rukia had presented them mere hours after delivering his son in the fourth division headquarters.

Soujun is currently wailing in a truly impressive manner, face red, nose scrunched up, and eyes wet with tears. From all the screeching, Byakuya is afraid that _something is currently trying to kill his son from the inside out._

What is worse is the fact that Byakuya isn't quite sure what to do about it. Or if he can even do anything about it at all.

He thinks there's a book in the study that he'd picked up from the fourth division during the early stages of his pregnancy that is supposed to tell him exactly how to deal with this in way that will be good for the baby. He thinks he needs that book right now, because Byakuya has no idea what he's supposed to do for his son. All he knows is that he wants – fiercely – for everything that he does for Soujun to be good for him. It has to be exactly right, because Soujun is far too precious to him to treat otherwise.

Soujun, clearly not comprehending Byakuya's inaction, only wails louder.

Byakuya determinedly spins on his heel, intent on marching into the study to find the parenting book so that it will tell him how to handle this in the correct way. He knows it's there somewhere because he's already read it cover to cover once before, but for the first time in his life, he can't immediately remember anything in it over the sounds of his child's plaintive crying. It is incredibly disconcerting.

His hasty progress to the nursery door is suddenly impeded by a wall.

A Kenpachi-shaped one.

Byakuya looks upwards amidst the heart wrenching sounds of Soujun's keening sobs to find Zaraki blinking back at him, expression a combination of irate, sleepy, and bewildered as to what, exactly, Byakuya is doing.

Byakuya's interpretation of Zaraki's face is only confirmed when Zaraki scowls and says, "What the hell're you doing?" in a completely boggled way, before he lumbers past the sixth division captain and to the side of the bassinette, where Soujun is still determinedly shrieking at the top of his lungs.

Byakuya opens his mouth to protest when Zaraki reaches in and draws Soujun up by a handful of very expensive baby clothes. Byakuya only has a second to be bewildered and protective at once before Zaraki does something even more bizarre, blearily lifting Soujun higher into the air so that he can nose inquisitively at their son's rump.

Zaraki frowns while Soujun's cries die down a little bit, though he is very obviously still sobbing. "Didn't shit himself," Zaraki reports, when he turns and sees Byakuya looking at him like he is an alien.

Byakuya blurts, "You can't hold him like that. You have to support his head." He remembers _that _from the books, anyway.

Zaraki scoffs at him. "Watch me," he says, and then nudges the dangling baby with his free hand so that Soujun spins until he is face to face with his father. "He ain't hungry, cuz I fed the little fucker already tonight." He glares at the baby. Byakuya is certain that was also on the list of things _not to do_ in the parenting handbook. It's not good for their son's emotional health.

Except Soujun immediately quiets, looking eye-to-eye with Zaraki like that, his pathetic sobs dying down into a single, heart melting little noise of intrigued confusion as he reaches out to try and swipe at his father's nose.

When he sees that, Byakuya might make a strangled sound in the very back of his throat that is suspiciously like one of the noises that had come out of Rukia when Soujun had wrapped his tiny fingers around one of hers for the first time.

Zaraki hears it and turns to Byakuya, completely unimpressed. Byakuya composes himself quickly. "What was wrong with him?" he asks, after a beat of Soujun spinning lazily in Zaraki's grasp like his toy mobile.

"Nothing," Zaraki says plainly, and before Byakuya can scream at him, casually tosses Soujun in his direction.

Byakuya panics and fumbles, but ultimately has an armful of squealing little boy. He glares daggers at Zaraki, almost quivering with rage even as he tries to keep his reiatsu in check, rocking the laughing child automatically against his chest in a manner he hopes is soothing. "You can't just…"

Zaraki, as per usual, is not impressed by Byakuya's anger. "He's _fine,"_ he grumbles back, scratching absently at his belly and yawning once. "Yachiru did the same damn thing before," he adds on Byakuya's incredulous look, like that will somehow make his throwing their infant son around _acceptable_. "Sometimes she would just wake up crying in the middle of the night for no damn reason at all. Babies just do it to see if you'll come, I figure. They're needy little shits."

Byakuya scowls at him, but Zaraki is too busy stepping forward to poke at Soujun to notice. "Once she figured I was still there, she'd always settle," he finishes, while Soujun reacts by grabbing his father's finger and stuffing it in his mouth, happy as Byakuya has ever seen him again, like the crying fit to end all crying fits he'd partaken in just now had actually been a figment of his father's imagination.

Zaraki makes a deep rumbling noise of satisfaction from his chest at the kid's gumption before looking at Byakuya again and grinning in a way that's equal parts amused and mocking. Byakuya frowns back, but keeps rocking the baby gently. "Looks like he's fine now that you finally _picked him up_," Zaraki adds, like a punch to the face.

Normally, Byakuya is perfectly content to lash back out with his own words at Zaraki's casually stinging ones, but in that moment Byakuya can feel nothing but mortified at himself, because if it had been left to him, Soujun would still be crying pitifully in his crib, waiting for someone to come and just _hold_ him. Byakuya is a horrible parent. He feels a little nauseous at the thought that someone so obviously inept at childrearing is going to be responsible for the emotional wellbeing of the perfect infant currently in his arms. He'd never been made for this.

Zaraki seems to sense his reservations, because the stupid grin on his face gets even bigger somehow, and he is suddenly surging forward, smacking his forehead against Byakuya's rather sharply, though not enough to draw blood or even bruise. It's just enough to get Byakuya's attention again, really. "Unbunch your panties and get Soujun back to sleep, princess," he says plainly. "If he's really my kid, he ain't gonna die like a weakling just because you're taking your sweet ass time learning this shit."

Byakuya glares daggers at him.

Kenpachi doesn't care. He stands straight up again, reaches out to flick Soujun's nose with surprising gentleness, and then brushes past Byakuya and out of the room, padding silently down the hall and back to bed without a backwards glance.

Byakuya remains in the nursery, staring down at a delighted Soujun while the child's wide grey eyes laugh happily up at him from the cradle of his arms. Byakuya sighs and leans forward to press a kiss to his son's forehead impulsively, and when Soujun responds by smacking him sharply in the eye with a tiny, chubby hand, Byakuya supposes that yes, Soujun really _is_ Zaraki Kenpachi's son after all.

Which is both deeply terrifying and strangely relieving all at once, if only because it means that it's more than likely that Soujun _will_ be able to survive just about anything Byakuya does to him, no matter how bad with babies – and children, and one day, teenagers – he happens to be.

Byakuya huffs in mild amusement when that thought soothes over him, releasing some of the tension gathered between the blades of his shoulders. Eventually, he takes a seat in the rocking chair Yumichika and Ikkaku had dragged into the nursery last week and tries to get Soujun to sleep again.

It takes him an hour and some singing, but eventually, he gets him there.

**END**


	3. Communicating Effectively

**Title:** Communicating Effectively  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Theme/Topic: **More baby antics?  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Character/Pairing/s:** KenpachixByakuya, Yachiru  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** I guess I could warn for schmoop. (OH AND ALSO MENTIONED MPREG)  
**Word Count:** 3,880  
**Summary:** Companion piece to "Support the Head"- Byakuya tries to teach Soujun how to use his words.  
**Dedication:** juin- you started this and so I feel you should be punished accordingly.  
**A/N:** I really just wanted Kenpachi being casually adorable with a baby, which basically makes this self-indulgent porn for my ovaries.  
**Disclaimer:** No harm or infringement intended.

* * *

Soujun's wide, gray eyes stare uncomprehendingly back into Byakuya's matching ones as the sixth division captain holds up a large piece of paper in front of his son's face. Byakuya points to the paper and very slowly enunciates, "Fa-ther," out loud to Soujun, in the hopes of having his son repeat the word back to him. Both the kanji and kana for '_father_' are written on the paper as well, large and in Byakuya's neat calligraphy. The ink is still slightly shiny and wet.

Soujun scrunches his eyes up and laughs at the fluttering edge of the paper, reaching out to grasp at it in delight. Probably because he wants to put it in his mouth. He wants to put everything in his mouth lately, which is not only unsanitary but dangerous as well, because Kenpachi tends to carelessly leave sharp objects _everywhere_.

Byakuya keeps the paper just out of Soujun's reach and sighs, half because everything his child does is painfully cute and half because all the parenting books say that at eleven months old, Soujun should be starting to form his first words already, as his brain begins to match objects to names and his lips and tongue start to gain enough dexterity to pronounce them.

But Soujun hasn't said anything remotely word-like as of yet, only screeching inarticulately on most days and communicating with his parents via the use of vague, frantic gestures and his surprisingly animated face. Soujun's features may greatly resemble Byakuya's aesthetically, but their expressiveness is definitely something that could only have come from Zaraki. The Kuchiki clan is not (and has never been) particularly known for being easy to read.

They are, however, known for being incredibly talented and dedicated learners.

In keeping with at least part of that tradition, Soujun had already taken his first steps at the tender age of nine months, well ahead of the time frame predicted in Byakuya's large collection of child-rearing books. That morning after breakfast, Soujun had used a table leg to prop himself up while no one was looking, and then took two determined little steps towards Byakuya before giving up and plopping down on his rear in order to suck on his fist. Byakuya lists it as one of the most profoundly touching moments of his life. In contrast, it also makes him wonder what he and Zaraki are doing wrong in terms of teaching Soujun how to talk, after it had been so easy to teach him how to walk.

Truth be told, Byakuya wants to blame Kenpachi's half of the gene pool for Soujun's lack of words thus far. Not because he thinks Kenpachi is stupid, mind (he of all people knows that the eleventh division leader is far from stupid), but mostly because Zaraki likes to communicate in a series of surprisingly specific grunts more often than he takes the time to form actual words. It isn't setting a good example for their son for one, and it makes the atmosphere at home twitchy and awkward whenever the Kuchiki family elders come to visit for another.

Increasingly anxious at the thought of Soujun one day growing up to articulate exactly like Kenpachi does (which is to say, rarely and somewhat crudely), Byakuya waves the sheet of rice paper at his son with renewed fervor, possibly with a little more intensity than is strictly appropriate. "Fa-ther, Soujun," he prompts again firmly, and earns a squeal in response this time, as Soujin tips over onto his side trying to snatch the paper from him. "Fa-ther."

A snort in the background interrupts the lesson, making Byakuya scowl and turn to Zaraki, who is lounging by the window on the other side of the room, smoking his pipe and looking bored. "Is there something amusing about this?" Byakuya intones coolly to the other captain, and sets down the sheet of paper. He doesn't have to participate exactly (Byakuya would prefer it if he didn't, actually), but the least Zaraki could do is take any sort of interest whatsoever in their child's cognitive development.

But Zaraki just eyes Byakuya in an extremely unimpressed manner. "He'll talk when he's got something important to say," he tells Byakuya gruffly, and puffs on his pipe again, letting its trail of smoke waft out of the crack in the open window, mostly because Byakuya won't let him do it inside the house proper. It's bad for the children _and _the furniture.

"It's our responsibility to teach him _how_ to say the things he wants to say in the first place," Byakuya reminds Kenpachi flatly, and frowns a little as Zaraki sets his pipe down and slinks over to where Soujun is currently examining his own feet with keen interest, Byakuya's paper long forgotten. They both watch Soujun growl adorably at his prey before lunging at it, the baby managing to pop his toes into his mouth with much more focus than he'd shown his father all day.

Zaraki grins and bends down at the sight, scooping Soujun up with one arm so that the child sort of rolls into the crook of his elbow, bumping his head against Zaraki's wide, scarred chest in the process.

Soujun blows a couple of happy bubbles up at his father and babbles at him in nonsensical greeting. Zaraki tosses him up a little to settle Soujun higher in his arms and is rewarded with Soujun's forehead cracking against the underside of his chin rather sharply.

Soujun shrieks in delight upon impact.

"You wanna go, little man?" Zaraki rumbles back in challenge, and the pressure of his reiatsu suddenly magnifies playfully, blasting through both Byakuya and their son like an unexpected heat wave.

"Bbbbbuuuu!" Soujun squeals, and reaches up to smack Kenpachi's mouth with a tiny, chubby hand.

Kenpachi bites his fingers in retaliation. It's gentle insofar as Kenpachi can be gentle, but he absolutely uses his actual teeth when he does it all the same, mostly because he has no ability whatsoever to treat their baby with kid gloves.

Both child and father simply laugh at each other like that, the fingers of Soujun's left hand in Zaraki's mouth while the right one smacks his father's cheek over and over again rather gleefully. Zaraki looks keenly proud of the baby's audacity, while Soujun has no idea that Zaraki's playful blasts of reiatsu are probably wilting the flowers outside the open window. Byakuya observes the whole interaction with a distinct sense of dread growing in the pit of his stomach, as he realizes that while Soujun may look like a Kuchiki through and through, it seems like everything inside the child is distinctly Zaraki in nature.

Which probably means his son's first words, when he deigns to actually say them, will be something along the lines of '_fight_' or _'stab'_ or '_sucking_ _chest wound_.'

Byakuya sighs hopelessly and goes to put away his calligraphy tools before Soujun finds a way to roll around in his ink and leave black stains all over the house like Yachiru had when he'd left his study open for one – just _one –_ minute the other day.

Kenpachi eyes him as he leaves the room with his arms full of writing supplies and a distinct air of resignation about him. Then he shrugs and turns to Soujun, murmuring, "The princess sure has her panties in a bunch tonight, kid."

Soujun makes a tiny clucking sound that can only be interpreted as complete agreement. Then he smacks Kenpachi in the jaw again.

* * *

That night, while Byakuya is putting Soujun to bed because Zaraki is grudgingly washing the blood and gristle out of Yachiru's hair after she'd returned from a mission she and Hisagi-fukutaichou had been in charge of this afternoon (the new Captain Commander is proving to be as insane as he is drunk and disorderly), Byakuya takes a moment to very seriously look Soujun in the eye again, and say, slowly, "pa-pa." Mostly because '_father_' might be a little bit difficult to pronounce this early in Soujun's life, and also because Byakuya supposes it would be best for Soujun to learn both terms and then assign whichever ones he saw fit to Byakuya and Zaraki respectively. It must be, admittedly, somewhat confusing to have two fathers and a very limited list of titles with which to address them.

Soujun answers by blowing a raspberry at him.

Byakuya sighs and kisses his son good night before padding out of the nursery and back into the bedroom. He sits up with a book and waits patiently for Zaraki to finish bathing his unruly vice-captain, eyeing the clock before determining that the angry splashing sounds coming from down the hall mean it will probably be another thirty minutes to an hour before Kenpachi emerges from that fight (if at all).

He's right, and by the time Kenpachi trudges into the bedroom he's already yawning and grumpy looking on top of that. There's also a slightly oozing gash just starting to coagulate on the ridge of his brow that means Yachiru probably didn't take too kindly to being dunked head first into a tub full of soapy water upon her triumphant return from the field.

Zaraki closes the door behind him and begins stripping off his clothes. Then he takes one look at an expectant Byakuya and glares. "No," he grunts, before Byakuya can say anything. The last of his clothing hits the floor in a pile and he absently kicks it into a corner.

Byakuya closes his book and stares levelly at Kenpachi. "We might have to get Soujun a tutor," he says, without paying any attention whatsoever to Kenpachi's protests (or shameless nudity).

Kenpachi grumbles inarticulately and settles onto his side of the bed, causing the feathery mattress to dip slightly under his weight so that Byakuya sort of falls against him as a result. "No," he repeats, though he lets Byakuya rearrange his impossibly long limbs however he wants before the smaller captain deems their positions acceptable and nestles into the crook of Zaraki's arm for the night.

"The books say…"

"Fuck the books," Kenpachi interrupts, breath ghosting over Byakuya's hair as he closes his eyes and prepares to get some sleep. "Done this before. The kid's fine."

Byakuya frowns. "What was Yachiru's first word? When did she say it?" he demands, mostly because doing this once before doesn't necessarily mean that Zaraki did it right. Maybe Yachiru had been a late bloomer for being in his company as well.

Zaraki cracks his eye open again. "No," he says. Then, more wearily, "I dunno."

Byakuya blinks. "No was her first word, or no, you're not going to tell me because you don't know?" If Soujun learns how to communicate to the world at large from Zaraki they're all doomed.

Kenpachi just snorts noncommittally. "Why, you worried I set a bad example for the kids, princess?"

"Naturally," Byakuya answers without hesitation, mostly because he's long since learned that Kenpachi's feelings getting hurt are not a thing he has to worry about. Ever.

Kenpachi grins. "Well if that's all you're worried about forget it." He closes his eyes again, and is already half-asleep even though the conversation is only half done.

Byakuya reaches out and thumps him on his chest with the heel of his palm. Hard. "I have every right to worry," he says, because it's true. And really, _one_ of them should worry.

Zaraki just sighs and shifts, smashing Byakuya's nose against his collarbone in retaliation. "I said you ain't got nothing to worry about," he repeats stubbornly, eyes still determinedly closed, "Especially if you're using Yachiru as an example."

"I don't understand your reasoning," Byakuya answers, biting the collarbone in front of his face somewhat childishly. It only earns him an appreciative rumble deep in Zaraki's chest, which isn't his intention for the moment. He backs away from that plan quickly.

"Because we can't ever get that idiot to shut up, is why," Zaraki says absently. Then his lips quirk upward and his eyes finally open again. He looks fully awake now and vaguely hungry. "Before long he'll be talkin' our damn ears off all the time just like Yachiru does, and then you'll be sorry you asked for this." Kenpachi pinches Byakuya's side as he speaks, though the look on his face suggests that he doesn't do it for any other reason than the immediate desire to get Byakuya naked alongside him.

It's distracting. Byakuya thumps him in the chest again. "Stop that."

Zaraki only seems to take his glowering as an invitation to continue with his plan of action. And so he rolls over abruptly, pinning Byakuya to the mattress with the weight and the heat of his larger body. His breath ghosts over Byakuya's throat as he noses at the sixth division captain's cheek mockingly. "If you really think the kid's broken," he murmurs, hand sliding down to stroke suggestively along the curve of Byakuya's hip, "I'll try and put another one in you right now. Let's see if it turns out more to your liking."

Byakuya head butts Zaraki sharply in the forehead in response, but all that does is get him a whuff of amusement before Zaraki's wide, calloused palm is sliding down to paw firmly at the curve of his ass. Byakuya squirms in what he thinks is protest, but when he ends up squirming _towards_ Zaraki on instinct he sighs and realizes that maybe this is a battle he's already lost for the night.

"This isn't over," Byakuya murmurs stubbornly, though he relaxes against the sheets and winds his arms around the back of Zaraki's neck in gracious defeat.

Zaraki kisses him sloppily on the mouth around his triumphant smirk and, like Soujun, says absolutely nothing in response.

* * *

Despite Kenpachi's assurances that Soujun will speak once he's good and ready, Byakuya finds himself constantly pointing out everyday objects and naming them to Soujun with the kind of obsessive compulsion that he doesn't remember feeling since Hisana died and he began the search for Rukia in earnest.

"Sword," he says, gesturing to Zaraki's zanpakutou as the eleventh division captain slices the air with it, in order to shake the blade clean of the ugly, black blood currently staining its edge. The hollow he'd just slain dissolves into nothingness behind him.

Kenpachi rolls his eye when he hears Byakuya and sheathes his zanpakutou again.

Byakuya ignores him. "Onigiri," he persists, and picks up a triangle of seaweed-wrapped rice from their picnic basket. He holds it up for Soujun's benefit.

"Umeboshi!" Yachiru plays along, throwing her hands up over her head in delight as she snatches the onigiri from Byakuya's hands. "Thanks, Byakushi!" she adds dutifully, though only after half the onigiri is being chewed in her mouth all at once.

Soujun burbles and tries to climb into the basket head-first.

"Basket," Byakuya says. He picks Soujun up and out of the basket.

"Pain in my ass," Zaraki adds next, as he ambles back over and puts a hand on Byakuya's shoulder. "Pain in my ass."

Yachiru bursts out laughing. "Ken-chan you said _ass_ infronta the baby," she chastises without really chastising at all. "Everyone tells me ass is a bad word."

"It is," Byakuya agrees.

"It's a fuckin' donkey too," Kenpachi says, because he is apparently determined to _be_ an assright now.

"It's a fucking donkey," Yachiru agrees sagely, and is probably committing the phrase to memory now, most likely so that she can casually throw it out at the next vice-captain's meeting or in front of other small children so that their parents can look at Kenpachi and Byakuya judgmentally afterwards.

Soujun, thankfully, seems more interested in getting rice in his nose and all over his face than he is in Yachiru's vocabulary lessons. He determinedly paws the uneaten half of Yachiru's onigiri from her hand and smashes it into both of his over enthused ones. "Nori," Byakuya points out next, when Soujun starts peeling the seaweed off of his rice ball in distaste.

Zaraki picks Soujun up and props him on his shoulder, taking the half-eaten onigiri from his son and removing the seaweed from it for him. "Worst damn picnic ever," he tells Soujun in the same stilted way that Byakuya has been speaking to him all morning.

"I'm sure there's more hollows deeper in the woods, Ken-chan," Yachiru hums at him placatingly, because the one he'd killed clearly hadn't been enough action to put him in a good mood.

"You think?" he asks hopefully, while Soujun stuffs his face with rice from his seat on Zaraki's shoulder. Belatedly, he offers a mashed up, spit-covered fistful to his dad as an afterthought.

"No thanks," Kenpachi grunts at him, and reaches into the picnic basket for a salmon onigiri instead.

Pleased, Soujun pops his sticky hand back into his mouth again and finishes off his rice with relish.

"Fingers," Byakuya says automatically.

Zaraki groans and tosses the onigiri back into the basket. "I'm going deeper in the woods now. Yachiru, you wanna come?"

"You betcha!" Yachiru jumps to her feet and is perched on Zaraki's other shoulder in the blink of an eye. "Let's find a whole _family_ of hollows, Ken-chan!" she cheers, like they're going on a rollicking scavenger hunt and not on some bloody monster slaying quest in the middle of what was supposed to be a pleasant sojourn into nature for the purpose of enriching both Soujun's and Yachiru's lives.

Zaraki grins and hands Byakuya the baby before standing up and heading straight for the darkest, most ominous part of the woods. Byakuya settles Soujun into his lap comfortably and points to Yachiru's hair as the duo disappears into the trees. "Pink," he says, hopefully.

Soujun makes an unimpressed face and patiently waits for his father to realize he needs a diaper change.

* * *

Later, once Byakuya has changed and burped his son and is trying to teach him the word for leaf, an explosion of reiatsu from the heart of the woods levels all the trees within a kilometer of their picnic spot. Byakuya can hear Yachiru's high-pitched laughter in combination with the squelch of bodies in their death throes, which means that Zaraki and his vice-captain have indeed found that entire family of hollows they were so eagerly searching for. The warm, familiar wave of heat that accompanies any and all bursts of Zaraki's spiritual energy practically sets the entirety of Rukongai on edge, crackling the air dry and feeling like the prelude to a looming wildfire.

Soujun claps his hands a moment after that, when another wall of volatile energy hits them and destroys more woodland. Byakuya sighs helplessly and moves to pack up their things before the whole forest is ablaze with Zaraki's energy. "Basket," he tells Soujun, as he's putting their leftovers back into it. "Basket."

Soujun says nothing, but reaches out with one chubby hand and pats clumsily at Byakuya's index finger with it. Byakuya wonders if his son is trying to console him.

In the distance, something explodes out of existence with a wet, miserable sounding splatter. Soujun throws his hands up and cheers.

* * *

A week later, Soujun finally says his first word.

It is on a day when Zaraki has charge of their son during working hours simply because the hard-looking men of the eleventh division all have some sort of ridiculous soft spot for adorable infants and don't mind taking turns babysitting them. Byakuya is visiting for lunch and finds Yumichika and Ikkaku on the back porch, the fifth seat holding Soujun happily while the third seat sits beside them much less happily, covered in glitter and glue and broken tufts of what had once been Soujun's favorite stuffed giraffe.

In the yard, Zaraki is blindfolded and unarmed. He is also surrounded by a group of his men, who are circling around him nervously as they play at some sort of bizarre exercise wherein the sole purpose seems to be trying to stab their captain in an attempt at group assassination. Well, it _looks_ like they're supposed to stab him from what Byakuya can tell, given that at the moment, all that's really happening is a lot of anxious circling and pessimistically doubtful expressions all around.

A brave-looking first year is the one to break the spell. He gives a small warrior's shout before drawing his sword and raising it above his head. He charges at Zaraki somewhat stupidly, going head on and full throttle in a way that just screams eleventh division (and bloody horrible death).

Before the rookie can even bring his sword down, a familiar wave of energy begins to build around Zaraki, the yellow glow of his reiatsu starting to distort the air around him, making it look as if the distant, crackling heat of a scorching desert is rising up from his very skin. Byakuya knows this moment well; it's the threshold between calm and explosion, before the switch is flipped and the fire roars to life.

Soujun, apparently, knows what this moment means as well, because as the rookie's sword heads straight for Zaraki's neck, the eleven month old baby suddenly claps his hands together cutely and shouts, at the top of his tiny lungs, "Boom!"

Byakuya only has a moment to be stunned before the entire yard erupts into a supernova of angry fire and the startled screams of Zaraki's men make it impossible to hear anything else.

"Boom," Byakuya murmurs afterwards, as an unscathed Zaraki tolerantly allows an equally unscathed Soujun to crawl all over his head while the three of them sit in Kenpachi's sparse office together, leaving Yumichika and Ikkaku to deal with the emergency crews of fourth division shinigami currently triaging the surviving trainees out in the yard. "Our son's first word was _boom_."

Zaraki grins proudly and reaches up to pat Soujun's rear as the baby tugs on Zaraki's hair in order to play with the shiny bells at the end of each spike. "Told you he'd talk when he felt like it."

"Boom," Byakuya repeats, dully. He wonders vaguely if it had been Soujun's best attempt at trying to warn him.

Zaraki just shrugs like it doesn't matter, causing Soujun to tumble off of his shoulders and towards his lap, where he catches the kid with both hands before grinning down at the wildly laughing baby. "Boom," he agrees, in a way that means he is clearly laughing at Byakuya's pain.

Byakuya sighs and takes their son away from Zaraki before he accidentally breaks him. He studies Soujun instead, and when Soujun beams innocently back up at him, Byakuya finally feels something a lot like like pride start to overwhelm him, to the point where it slowly begins to outweigh the sheer ridiculousness of the whole afternoon. What matters is that his son finally spoke for the first time today.

Zaraki watches them both, still smirking shamelessly. "My offer to knock you up again stands if you're still disappointed, princess," he says around a leer.

Byakuya glares at him.

From the cradle of Byakuya's arms, Soujun takes one look up at his father's irate expression and sagely declares, "Boom!" once more.

Byakuya supposes that given who Soujun's parents are, '_boom' _really might be the only way to put it.

**END**


End file.
